My daughter can be the sweetest, cutest, most precious little girl ever. However she also has another side. She throws these fits..........flailing, screaming, kicking, hitting, scratching. Now, she has done things like this in the past, but nothing compares to the past few days. She gets zoned out in her raging fits. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that will calm her down.
It's even gotten so bad that my Mom called me at work on Monday. Her nerves were shot! Ashlyn had thrown a terrible 1 hour long temper tantrum for Mom. It all started because Ashlyn didn't want to put her shoes on. My mom was so frustrated! She told me that she couldn't handle her acting like that. Nana and pappaw's are supposed to be the good guys. Mommy and daddy are supposed to be the mean ones. =) That's what mom told me on the phone.
I know that Ashlyn is just trying to see how far she can push her limits, and she's learning her independence, but heaven help me. The child needs to learn that she is not the boss, and that she can't always have it HER WAY! Moriah - HELP!!!! What do I do? I try to put her in time out, but she bows up and won't stay in place. I spank her and that just makes her madder. I totally believe in spankings, but she does not understand why it's ok for me to do that to her, but she can't hit me. What do I do? I don't want her to end up being "that child" that I would see out in public kicking and screaming. HELP!!!! =)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
What is a mom to do?????
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5 comments:
GIRL! First...can I say that you TOTALLY made my day by asking my advice and for help!
First off, she is ONE SMART girl! The fact that she knows that her mama and her nana are two people that she can totally be herself with gives kudo's to the girl! LOL!
When Mason was two I think I had reached the point where I had FAILED has a mother! AND I had JUST given birth to a second one I was about to screw up..and only 2 years into the game!! My child was a temper throw down! I asked the woman whom I consider to be the best peds about it and she smiled and said " It's his spirit, like a wild mustang in a barn, you can put a horse in barn...but he will always be a wild mustang. You can't break a mustang into a riding horse." I left there thinking...she is on drugs! And she should have been a VET if she wanted to talk to me about my kid in relation to a horse!
Over the next 2 weeks it made sense...It's his spirit. You can't break it. You just have to figure it out. Her spirit is independance, do it herself, her way or no way, fiery, stubborn is her! It simply is the little girl she was born to be. You can't change that. In 30 years that SPIRIT could lead her to be a lawyer standing in a court room debating for death row...or the first persident woman of the US! Those things about her now...you can't change, she won't allow it...you have to figure how to use those to your advantage.
I will say this. Over time I realized that it wasn't so much the test as everyone kept trying to tell me. He's testing you I heard alot... as the fact that he was totally HIMSELF with me. He knew he could throw his body on the floor and when he did...I'd pick him back up, spank his butt perhaps...but STILL love him. That makes you one very good mommy! I came up with that on my own but heck...it worked for me and made me feel better so go with it!! LOL!
With my boys- We have our major melt downs with one of four things happen.
Tired.
Hungry.
Over Stimulated.
Or..when I am all of the above and lack patience.
My suggestions would be...if she pitches a fit because she has to do something she doesn't want to do like put on her Shoes,Give her a choice. Would you like to put on your shoes before we load the car or after we load the car? Would you like to go shopping before you have quiet time or after? Some kids just NEED to be in control and if a choice gives them SOME kind of control...with out more then 2 choices then give away. It may require more work for you but in the long run...an hour long pitch fit in the living room takes way longer! LOL! I think what you have is one SMART little girl who has a mind all her own and just wants to be in charge! For that...I say let her! LOL! I mean, not to the point where she takes over but if letting her have things her way works, and it's not going to compromise her safety, health or well being then I find that there is perfectly nothing wrong with her SPIRIT running free!! Yet let her know when you say, NO...you mean NO!
I am sure...that my advice goes against the rule books! But...I lost those babies at like 3 months when I figured out my child wasn't like all the other kids! He was special! HA! So...just going on what works for me!
PS- On that note...yes, I have been the mom out in public who has two kids tucked up under my arms because they didn't get their way and they are SCREAMING because of it. Keep on walking...if anything...anyone staring at you can so relate!! Trust me! Be the boss just let her know you love her enough to let her be...HER!
Call me if ya want! I have been the girl crying because I was raising a brat! XOXO!
...and..that has to be the longest comment I have ever left!!
You have a strong willed child...I wonder where she gets it from...hmmmm...LOL!! Sounds like Moriah has great advice!! You may call Sherry, too, given Mitchell was strong willed, and he is going to be a doctor!?! Honestly, I have no clue what to do. But, I will pray for you! Love ya!!
When I was taking childcare classes I had the most wonderful teacher in the whole world. She always said that the terrible twos should be called the terrific twos because all of those fits mean one thing... that they are becoming independent and can understand that they are seperate individuals with their own wants and dislikes. I'm sure you've heard the line, and this too shall pass. She's just a normal little girl! Let me tell you, I'll be calling you someday very soon about Grayson so don't worry. He already pitches these fits where he balls up his fists and his face gets all red! It's kind of funny now, but won't be in a few more months, huh?
Girls....Love you all! Thanks for letting me vent! LOL! You know what I did last night that worked....I'm lauging right now because it's so silly!!!! =) When she started throwing her tantrum I told her that if she didn't stop she was going to make mommy cry. She kept on for about 15 minutes, so I finally fake cried, and she came up to me and hugged me and she completely stopped her fit. Is that a bad thing to do? It worked though, so I'll use it for now. LOL!!!!
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